literature

A Poem For Billy Mays

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beedawg007's avatar
By
beedawg007
Published:
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Literature Text

My love for you is like Mighty Putty
Strong and water resistant
A tear rolls down my cheek
Glistening like a toilet
Recently bathed in the stain-fighting power of OxiClean

Can’t you see, my little Simoniz?
Not even a Zorbeez could soak up all my love for you
I need you like a dusty hallway needs a Swiffer
Like an over-accessorized freak needs a Bedazzler
Darlin’, you’re my Ding King

Somehow, I can’t rid myself of you
CLR is no match for our love
I won’t fight it any longer
I long to caress you with my Gopher

You know my number
Pick up the FoneFree, call me.
Wow Bethany, you don't submit anything for a hella long time then you give us this?

Hahaha. Jessica and I were pondering what a poem would look like if Billy Mays wrote one. That man writes a mean sonnet!

So, I wrote this baby up before he died, but now that he has, I think it's only fitting that this poem now act as a tribute to the lovely pitchman that was. I've also renamed it, as Jessica suggested, to A Poem FOR Billy Mays. We love you, Billy Mah-Main-Man Mays.

Yes, he's my main man.
© 2009 - 2024 beedawg007
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Ex-combustis's avatar
Ex-combustis
Joy! (overly)-Commericalized joy!