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A Poem For Billy Mays by ~beedawg007:iconbeedawg007:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Humor > Open


My love for you is like Mighty Putty
Strong and water resistant
A tear rolls down my cheek
Glistening like a toilet
Recently bathed in the stain-fighting power of OxiClean

Can’t you see, my little Simoniz?
Not even a Zorbeez could soak up all my love for you
I need you like a dusty hallway needs a Swiffer
Like an over-accessorized freak needs a Bedazzler
Darlin’, you’re my Ding King

Somehow, I can’t rid myself of you
CLR is no match for our love
I won’t fight it any longer
I long to caress you with my Gopher

You know my number
Pick up the FoneFree, call me.
©2009 ~beedawg007
:iconbeedawg007:

Author's Comments

Wow Bethany, you don't submit anything for a hella long time then you give us this?

Hahaha. Jessica and I were pondering what a poem would look like if Billy Mays wrote one. That man writes a mean sonnet!

So, I wrote this baby up before he died, but now that he has, I think it's only fitting that this poem now act as a tribute to the lovely pitchman that was. I've also renamed it, as Jessica suggested, to A Poem FOR Billy Mays. We love you, Billy Mah-Main-Man Mays.

Yes, he's my main man.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconalterrnativewriting:
=alterrnativeWRITING Jan 8, 2009, 4:41:26 PM
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL :rofl:

Bethany, m'dear, you win at life.

/win

--
× forever reborn in b l o o d and f i r e from the w a t e r s of oblivion.
:iconbeedawg007:
~beedawg007 Jan 8, 2009, 4:46:53 PM
Ahahaha!
Many thankies, love.

--
she asks for a love interest
and you give her a 500 year old retarded vampire.
:iconalterrnativewriting:
=alterrnativeWRITING Jan 8, 2009, 4:48:51 PM
De rien, darlin'.

--
× forever reborn in b l o o d and f i r e from the w a t e r s of oblivion.
:icontheworldisavampire:
~theworldisavampire Jan 8, 2009, 5:18:09 PM
I guarantee it!

--
我会说一点中文！
Je parle un peu francais!
:iconmiss-mle:
~miss-mle Jan 8, 2009, 5:40:40 PM
Bethany,
You my dear, continue to amaze me.

--
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain because, today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.
:iconbeedawg007:
~beedawg007 Jan 8, 2009, 5:52:09 PM
LOLOLOLOLOL!

--
she asks for a love interest
and you give her a 500 year old retarded vampire.
:iconbeedawg007:
~beedawg007 Jan 8, 2009, 5:52:27 PM
I know, right?
I are tres amazing.

--
she asks for a love interest
and you give her a 500 year old retarded vampire.
:iconmiss-mle:
~miss-mle Jan 8, 2009, 5:56:09 PM
You are

--
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain because, today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.
:iconbeedawg007:
~beedawg007 Jan 8, 2009, 6:04:55 PM
Globviously.

--
she asks for a love interest
and you give her a 500 year old retarded vampire.
:iconmiss-mle:
~miss-mle Jan 8, 2009, 8:46:28 PM
Umm
yeah
globviously

--
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain because, today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.
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